I'm back again. Why am i back? Probably should say this blog can be the place where I'm the depress me. Right now I'm trying very hard to not be depress. Not that like anybody cares. But just not being depress kinda works better? But yea. Right now I'm pretty much depress. You can say well, I lost my medicine for this week. I have nobody to talk to. Making me real bored. Thus thinking much. Seriously, I haven't really been smiling for the whole week now.

My mind right now is really fcuk up. I can't think straight. Like seriously, My mind right now is about Beatrice Victoria. If it isn't about her, then it will be about death, or me getting hurt and stuff. Sounds psychotic? Yea. But really. I really need the care right now that i don't mind getting hurt to get it. I really wonder too. Whether there will be people who will come to my funeral when i die.

So, I really probably haven't been so depress since i came back? As in since i came back from this year trip? I had my medicine talking to me. Like seriously, I'm all into her. Like fcuk. I will have hallucinations, Imaginations and dreams about her being by my side. It's feels so real. It's more of like, when she is talking to me, my brain will think about her. So if she is not really talking with me, psychotic will be closer to me. Lols. Probably it is slightly exaggerating? But I'm serious, I tell her things that shouldn't be said. Well, things about me. By the time i realize it, i already sent it. But i don't regret sending those thing which shouldn't be said. Every now and then, i will really wish so much that she will be mine. But wishes are wishes. Wishes are stuff that will never come true. I just feel it that way too. Many reason. Really hope that she can get 380. That way, Never mind. Really can't think too much for now. The more hope i get, The bigger disappointment i get. Just i really wish for her. I'm willing do anything for her. Then again. Many other guys will be willing too. FML. Depressed.

Let's try a healthier topic now? I realize i always have a pattern. Whenever i come back from my once a year Singapore trip, I will definitely get a ticket. Furthermore, The ticket will be from other states. Anyway, the first trip, I came back from Singapore, and i drove to Pennsylvania. I get a ticket. Speeding ticket. 55MPH i drove at 80MPH. Second trip, I drove to New York. Got a ticket for driving in the bus lane. Like seriously, This is the first time i heard about America having bus lane. Wanted to go court, But decided not to because it's gonna be kinda tedious. So i just paid my ticket. I swear I'm not ever gonna drive to New York anymore. Well, with the exception of BV coming.

I really don't feel too good right now. To be honest, I even feel like crying. Being a guy with no dreams and no goal ain't fun at all. It sucks. But i just can't seem to find any. I'm just weak. Lol. I really very tempted to drink now. Or hell even do drugs. Really very tempted. It's complicated. My mind thinks about things that are not realistic. I'm screwed.

Forget to mention, this year, I broke up with my use to be brother. That skinny dude. We have lots in common. Death wish, likes, hates. Etc. But i really can't stand his attitude anymore. The reason why we "broke up" is really kinda childish. So ain't gonna mention it here. But byebye him. Though it's kinda regretting that it ended this way, But if he don't grow up more, It's hard. Lol. This coming from another childish dude. Ironic.

Really damn tired. Tired of being use. Tired of everything. I don't want this loneliness. Take away my loneliness, You can also take away my life too. Being more and more depress if i think about PR application. There is no hope. I'm stuck like this for life. Really can't find anybody who can help me. Fcuk this. Ending.

I apologize for all my whining and psychotic me. But here is the only place i can say out the real me.

PS: I feel like I'm starting to get use to it now. I don't like it. But i am.

Regards,
Dark Soul

Monday, November 26, 2012
Posted by Dark_Soul at 11:08 PM

All of my Signature is done by Shadow X.
Big thanks to him!