I feel so empty. So decide to write a post. Hopefully one day somebody will know. I actually just came back from my once a year trip Singapore. I was so excited that i got to be on leave for 1 month. You know. Get to be back with my Mom and my friends. Also this year, get to meet Beatrice Victoria for the first time. Yea. I enjoyed my time there.

So let's get into details shall we? I left for Singapore. So excited that i couldn't sleep on the flight. Actually, I did fell asleep. But always when i fall asleep, the air stewardess will wake me up. Meal time. Anyway, Flight was actually delayed. But well, Thanks Jon for checking online and picking me up. So first few weeks i was kinda so bored and wanted to come back to America instead. But as time pass by, I really didn't wanna leave.

Let's get into Beatrice Victoria topic. She is a girl. Obviously. Actually knew her years ago. But that is just cyber. And we didn't talk till a year ago. So anyway, we chat and etc. So we met for the first time when i was in Singapore. That was July 29. Suppose to meet at Airport. But in the end meet at town. Well, only can say sorry, I'm so boring. I feel bad. Then second time we met at August 2. Called her for the first time at August 3. Afterwards, Got damn depressed. Cause of the things she said. Well, I don't know what to say. Should i complain or? Anyway, Screw that.

The rest of the 2 weeks, Spent my time with Cheryl and Jon quite often. But that's weekend. Weekdays i will go into Malaysia. I'm so not going into details. I'm just being random. But that's not the whole point. The whole point is the return trip. Cheryl went to send me off with my mom and her dad. Jon didn't come due to NS. Anyway, I'm glad that Cheryl came. She and Jon means a lot to me. Anyway, for the first time since years, I cried. Yes, i cried. Just a few drops actually. When the plane took off. Normally i do feel like crying. But i just can't. I really feel very empty. First year i was excited to go back to America. Second year was neutral. Third year, I really didn't wanna go thru this feeling anymore. It's like when you wanna talk to someone, there is nobody to talk to. Except my wall. Some people are saying that I'm kinda crazy. I don't know if they mean it or just joking. That is why i started talking to Beatrice. But well, at least it work out for me for a year. But this year since i came back, everything went back to how the way it was. Empty. I really feel that nobody understand how i feel. Or rather i should say, they understand how i feel. But there is nothing they can do about it. I'm rather an attention seeker right now. Sometimes, i think that, i don't wanna let people understand me. If they are real to you, they will slowly peel you open to understand you. I don't know what am i living for. What's the meaning in my life. Can anybody lend me a dictionary to find the meaning in me?

Anyway, for me, on the bright side, I'm trying to apply for Malaysia Permanent Resident. I really hope to be back with my family. Cheryl & Jon. No point staying here having all these money but with no friends to be here for you. I really pray everything goes smoothly for me. I can't stand this loneliness anymore! I want to have a soul back!

Regards,
Dark Soul

Thursday, September 13, 2012
Posted by Dark_Soul at 1:54 AM

All of my Signature is done by Shadow X.
Big thanks to him!